Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
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Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
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Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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