WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
