girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
