I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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