Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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