we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I miss vodka workout Fridays
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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