hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
