Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
