Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
