my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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