what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
