i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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