it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
