Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
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And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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