Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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