If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
