I looked at my own cervix.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
