When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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