just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
