I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize