he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
