Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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