I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
