i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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