I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
