Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
