my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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