dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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