the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
