I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
