I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
