I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
