I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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