So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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