So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
