But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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