i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
