I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
