just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
