I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
