she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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