I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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