She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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