I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
