If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
