I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
