I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This is classic penis vs brain.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
why is half of my head shaved?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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