I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
