Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
