Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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