theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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