Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
