I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
