I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
