Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize