How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
