Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
