batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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