started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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