I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i drank out of a bidet.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
