Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
