whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
