Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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